dream in Pangarap

***this was something I wrote after having a dream about my siblings and I; my father had just passed. in Tagalog, there are two words for dream: panaginip (when sleeping), and pangarap (aspirations). more and more, i believe that there are no separations between the realities of our dream-state and conscious-awake state; in essence, it is through <single/collective> consciousness that we exist. in knowing that, we can aspire to do anything, anywhere, anytime, with anyone – even with dahdee. Habbeeburday dahdee…***



i had a dream

that the four of us were talking…


ka’wa’wa, shock grinding at faces,

i look into the eyes of my brothers,

my glassiness meeting with theirs

my sister, hair over face, chin meeting


hair extending heavenward…

bulky tear-swallowing throats,

heaviness grounding our spaces

and our feet

in this dream, tacitness numbing,

and melting our parts together.

ate in boston

kuya, sa Pinas

little brother, whose not so little, in Stockton

and me, in san francisco…

Dah-dee had a pangarap

because his children were everywhere

and he, He was never here…

every road trip,

plane ride,

balikbayan box, kept him home,

where we all met, glassy eyes

in a dream

of his dream, to die

Where his children were born


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